adopters, dog rescue, fosterdogs, fostering, hard to adopt, Long Term Dog, returned dogs, training

When a Bite Was Just a Bite

Someone told me I jinxed Mia by writing about her last week in such a celebratory way.

Sad to say, she is back and not because I jinxed her but because she was set up to fail. I’ve agonized over how to explain what happened. I don’t want to throw Mia, the adopter, or the rescue under the bus, but I’d say that we all deserve to be runover on this one.

When a dog is newly adopted, the rescue has a process called a 2-week shut down that we tell adopters to follow if they want to have a successful adoption. The adoption coordinator spells it out in their final interview. The process is simple: for the first two weeks, keep the new dog’s world small. This means don’t invite people over to meet her. Keep her crated or on a leash at all times. Give your dog time to adjust to the new family and new life. Supervise your dog around children and other pets. Most important: PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR NEW DOG.

For Mia, the shut-down was more important than ever. This adoption was a big adjustment. She’d been in foster care for 11 months. She is a sensitive dog with enormous energy- both physical and emotional. This would not be a simple transition. We, as a rescue, and me, as the foster, did not clearly communicate this to the adopter. We assumed way too much.

Maybe it’s misleading that I post so many videos of Mia playing and lounging with my dogs. They are the best of friends, but they are always supervised during those interactions. Even after 11 months, I NEVER leave Mia and my other dogs together if there is not someone in the immediate vicinity who can step in if the energy gets too high. The initial introductions to all of our dogs happened over a period of weeks, gradually, with a lot of walks together, a lot of sniffing through crates and gates. Mia dragged a leash for what seemed like months.

When new people come to the house (even my adult son who visited last night with his girlfriend), we put Mia in her crate until the initial welcome is over. Then she can come out and love on the new visitor when we are all calm and paying attention. I do these things to set Mia up for success, and she succeeds. We have never had a bite incident with her at this house. The biggest issue for Mia meeting new people is keeping all four feet on the floor and not licking people too much.

My friend Tracy wrote a fabulous post about introducing a newly adopted dog to your home and your toddler. If you are considering adding a new dog to your family, read this. I sure wish Mia’s adopter had taken the same careful, deliberate hands-on approach that Tracy did. In her defense, she’s a good person and a busy single mom. The rescue, including me, did not do our due-diligence to be certain she could handle adding a dog to her world right now.

Mia now has another bite addendum on her record, although once again, it’s a bite that could and should have been prevented.

Bronwyn Dickey in her incredible book Pitbull: The Battle Over an American Icon wrote:

“If we want to own dogs, their teeth come along. It is up to us to learn how and when dogs use them and to keep our dogs out of situations where they feel they need to.”

The incident that clinched Mia’s return happened immediately following an episode where Mia got out of the house and ran loose in the neighborhood on a kind of joy ride before the adult in charge (not the adopter) was able to catch her.

I’ve seen the video of the encounter (home security camera) and clearly there was no adult supervising Mia as she had this interaction with a new child. One of the children is actually shrieking at Mia in excitement and leaning over her.

Let’s look at this from Mia’s viewpoint: She’s hopped up on endorphins from her freedom run and frustrated and likely frightened at being dragged back to the house by an angry, unfamiliar adult. She is in a home that is still new to her. The one adult who she has begun to trust to look out for her is not around. She is being verbally assaulted. A stranger is staring at her (Mia’s point of view). She doesn’t know what is expected of her. She is frightened and confused, so she does what many dogs would do—she lashes out at the new face and runs away. (Fight because it was the only option and then flight when the opportunity arose.)

What could have been done to prevent this incident? Okay, so she got loose. It happens, especially if you are unfamiliar with Mia’s ability to open doors and seize the opportunity to explore. But once recovered, she should have been immediately crated, at the very least put on a leash and held by a capable adult, not turned loose in the house with a 3-year-old to greet a new visitor.

It wasn’t a serious injury, but it was surely a scary one for the child involved. And it could be an encounter that seals the fate of this sweet, sweet dog who deserves so much better. Once again, people have failed her. My heart is sick about it.

Again from Dickey’s book, Pit Bull:

“Just a generation ago if you went near a dog when he was eating and the dog growled,” she explained, “somebody would say, ‘Don’t go near the dog when he’s eating! What are you, crazy?’ Now the dog gets euthanized. Back then, dogs were allowed to say no.”

Mia is home again with us and seems no worse for wear. We did a careful re-introduction- crating her for a few hours in a quiet place, taking her for a long walk, and then letting her reacquaint herself with the three dogs who have been her long-time friends. It was a joyous supervised reunion.

Do we overthink dogs these days?

It seems like dogs used to be so simple. I remember growing up with lots of dogs roaming the neighborhood. Everyone had a dog. I don’t remember any dog fights.

I remember being bitten once by a little Shih Tzu because I tried to pull her out of her hiding spot. It wasn’t a capital offense; it was just a dog bite. No freaking out because, duh, lacking other communication skills like the ability to speak, it’s how dogs communicate when they are frightened and you’ve cornered them.

But back to my initial point—do we over think dogs these days?

I would assert that we do and we don’t. We assume that dogs understand us. We anthropomorphize them, assuming that dogs have the same kind of emotional reactions that we do.

For instance, we think: this dog is so happy to finally have a home of her own. When the dog is likely still in the process of figuring out where her security comes from (food, bed, access to the outside, comfort) and which people are in charge (who keeps her safe, brings the food, allows outside access, gives the treats, closes/opens the crate).

We think that the new dog understands how much we love it because we pet it, hug it, kiss it, stare at it. When all of those actions are likely frightening to many dogs when received from people they have yet to bond with or trust, and for some even from people they do trust.

We don’t think about the dog when we shove new sights, new sounds, new smells, new expectations, new people and dogs at them all at once.

Consider for a minute that you are suddenly picked up, shoved on a plane and carted to China (or wherever). You are taken to a house that has another American (in this case, an old, nervous guy who is likely jealous that you are getting all the attention that was once his). Nothing is familiar to you.

The smells are funny, there are odd sounds, and everyone is speaking to you at once. You don’t speak the language so you can’t ask where the bathroom is or tell your new host that you are hungry or tired. The new host says something to you in language you don’t understand and leaves you to wander the house, avoiding the angry looks from the other American.

You try to make an escape, to search for the American Embassy or maybe to see the sights, but you are dragged back by a large guy you’ve never seen before and stuck in the house. Now you are more frightened by all that you don’t understand and to make matters worse, the host who brought you here has vanished. One of the new people you’ve only just met shouts at you, clearly expecting something. Then a new face appears over you, staring at you, she starts to reach for you, and you….?

If you are a person, you would say, “Get the heck away from me,” and maybe pull out your cell phone and call home.

If you are a dog, your options are more limited- you must choose fight or flight. Flight is out of the question as you are trapped between the shrieking small person and the unfamiliar person leaning over you and reaching for you.

Is anyone surprised that Mia failed when she was so clearly set up to fail?

I’m as guilty as anyone of assuming what my dogs think. It makes for funny writing. But Mia, and every dog I encounter, teaches me time and again, that I don’t know what dogs think. I can’t know. Because I’m not a dog.

But I do know that dogs need the same things people need: security, food, comfort, and exercise (mental and physical). If I want my dogs to be happy, it’s my job to figure out what that looks like for each dog in my life.

For now, for Mia, that looks like a routine and clear expectations. It means plenty of downtime (to counter her high energy), plenty of exercise and training challenges (walks and toys and learning commands and supervised playtime with her pals), individual attention on her terms (snuggling on the couch and accepting her kisses even though they sometimes give me the willies), and clearly communicated expectations that she should not jump on people or be too aggressive with the other dogs. Otherwise, like a teenager with no boundaries, she is all over the place mentally and emotionally.

Dogs are not more complicated now than they were when I was a kid. The world has changed and our expectations of dogs have changed. Was hasn’t changed are dogs. Too often we have unrealistic expectations and we don’t set up our dogs to succeed. We fail dogs. Time and again.

It is a good thing that dogs continue to be so much more forgiving and flexible than people.

Thanks for reading!

Until they all have a home,


For information on me, my writing, and books, visit where you can also find information about my book, One Hundred Dogs and Counting: One  Woman, Ten Thousand Miles, and a Journey into the Heart of Shelters and Rescues, (Pegasus Books, July 2020) and my latest novel, Blind Turn (Black Rose Writing, Jan 2021)

If you’d like regular updates of all my foster dogs past and present, plus occasional dog care/training tips/dog news, be sure to join the Facebook group, Another Good Dog.

And if you’d like to know where all these dogs come from and how you can help solve the crisis of too many unwanted dogs in our shelters, visit where you can follow the blog that shares stories or find the link to our fledgling podcast!

Our family fosters through the all-breed rescue, Operation Paws for Homes, a network of foster homes in Virginia, Maryland, D.C., and south-central PA.

If you can’t get enough foster dog stories, check out my book: Another Good Dog: One Family and Fifty Foster Dogs . It’s available anywhere books are sold.

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33 thoughts on “When a Bite Was Just a Bite”

  1. I fail to see why you are making so many excuses for this dog. No matter how careful any owner is, a dog will sometimes get loose and run around. Dogs do not typically respond to strange children screaming at them by biting them. I have had many many dogs over the years. Just yesterday my neighbour’s dog got loose and was running around and it did not approach or bite anyone. I took it home. The dog was fine with me. Dogs I have known all understand kids are kids and they tolerate kids behaviour or they leave the area or back away. Mia could have chosen to leave the child alone and not bite the child. Because of her temperament she bit instead. A dog of a temperament that is so high strung it requires constant supervision and special handling and that cannot be trusted to not bite when around a strange child is like a loaded gun left on the street waiting to go off. I very strongly advise putting this dog down before the next such “set up to fail” situation results in seriously maiming or even killing a child. You are failing in your responsibility to society at large by allowing this loaded gun to be left lying around. That sounds horrible and harsh but I think you need to stop looking at this dog with so much blind love and a million excuses and do a very serious reality check of what risks you are choosing to take by keeping this dog around.


    1. I am heartbroken for Mia. She deserves a good life with people who understand her needs. I too was bitten by a dog as a kid. No one ever considered putting him down because we knew something then we forget now- dogs bite. I hope Mia is not put down.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I disagree as well. It isn’t a matter of making excuses, it’s a matter of trying to understand. She committed the crime of being a dog and for that she deserves death? Rather heartless, I think.

        Liked by 2 people

    2. I completely disagree with you. And I am not anti-behavioral euthanasia at all, I’m the first to recommend it with my rescue agency. My reason is that in this situation, Mia was set up to fail (bite) through a series of unfortunate incidents. She experienced the classic case of “trigger stacking.”

      You speak of choice to walk away from the child. I surmise that Mia was so overwhelmed (even though she may have looked calm from the outside) that she couldn’t process her choices.

      If Mia were a dangerous dog, she wouldn’t be manageable in the foster home for 11 months. Is this dog going to be a difficult placement going forward? You betcha. She will require a specific family in a specific community.

      Not every dog that bites a child needs to be put down.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Well said, Betsy. That is exactly what we are doing in regards to this incident. Sadly, I seem to learn so much more when things go sideways than when they go well. I know things will go differently next time and we will find Mia her forever home. Meanwhile, she has moved flawlessly back into our pack.


    3. It breaks my heart but….Justin is probably right. Nothing exists In a vacuum. It exists in the context of everything around it. The fact is, tons of dogs go through this exact same stressful adjustment every day and DONT lash out or bite. From following the blog it sounds like pre adoption this adopter did everything right and took every step….and didn’t even make it a week before Mia went completely off the rails. We have to take a step back and ask ourselves, what is reasonable? It will take “special” adopters….define that. Ones that literally never have a child in mias presence? Can lock up their house like Fort Knox and follow her 24 7 to make sure she doesn’t misbehave? After almost a year, Cara STILL didn’t feel totally comfortable leaving Mia alone with her other dogs? can we all agree that’s a bit of a red flag and not remotely a reasonable expectation for 99% of adopters? Lets lay it out there: she has two bite addendums, at least one on a 3 year old. It’s a wrap. This article is about “overthinking”. Allow me to gently, sadly suggest that…rather then wrap ourselves in knots trying to explain things,, maybe Mia just isn’t suited for this and perhaps just doesn’t have “it”. I’ll end with this: if Mia by some miracle finds an adopter and ends up biting someone again (sadly but highly likely), how is all this look in hindsight?


      1. I want to explain a few things — Mia has never ‘attacked’ a person – ever. I know what a dangerous dog is – I made the impossible decision to euthanize the dog of my heart when he became dangerous. I know that line heartbreakingly well and Mia is nowhere near it.

        A dog that bites unprovoked is a dangerous dog. I have no hesitation about euthanizing a dangerous dog and I don’t believe we can ‘save them all.’ This dog, however, has been the victim of a lot of mistakes and bad luck, she is not dangerous.

        I do not leave ANY OF MY DOGS (foster or personal) loose together when no one is supervising them even though they have never bitten anyone or each other. That’s simply my own practice for peace of mind, not because Mia has ever had an issue with any of my dogs. They are dogs, not humans, so I can’t explain that they need to all relax or play quietly until I come back. They may worry or feel the need to protect our house if an unexpected person shows up. We’ve had chipmunks and fox hang out on our porch and deer wander through our yard every day – I don’t want an over-excited dog to redirect that excitement or inadvertently offend another dog. My dogs love to play with each other, but I don’t want that play to get over the top and frustrate one of them. Who knows, that’s probably my overactive imagination, but if I know they are all safe in crates or their own spaces, I don’t have to worry if I’m delayed getting home.

        I also do not allow ANY OF MY DOGS (foster or personal) to be loose at the door when new people come to visit. The door is a moment of high anxiety for a lot of dogs –whether because they want to protect, get over excited, or are fearful. I’ve had to learn this one the hard way – but now ALL OF MY DOGS are in a crate or shut in another room when anyone comes to our house. Eventually, they will join the party, but not until the just-got-here excitement dies down.

        Those practices are not a reflection on Mia’s presence here, they are simply smart management when you have more than one dog in residence.

        If Mia was a chihuahua (the breed that bites statistically more than any other breed), no one would be suggesting we put her down. Her other bite addendums are from defending herself against a dog that attacked her (three times before she finally fought back) and because the person breaking up that fight was bitten and doesn’t know which dog bit her. She has this new one and the others because she was badly managed and because the rescue has to cover their own liability, not because she is a dangerous dog.


  2. Dear Cara, I have immense respect and love for you and your passion for dogs. You are uniquely incredible in how you speak from your heart with the intelligence and knowledge in your learned experiences along the way interacting with many dogs, all breeds and sizes. God bless you with your intense engagement to learn and understand dogs. Helping others to provide the best life possible in living in harmony with their pets is truly a gift to embrace. Thank You!!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. The big problem (to me) in Mia’s story is that she got loose. When I rescue a dog, it’s tied to me for several days. It needs to know who loves it and I need to learn who it is.

    I’m reading books for an Indie writing contest right now. One of them should go to every family with little kids, especially those who adopt a dog. It’s Please Love Me Like I Love You —

    I don’t know if dogs are more complicated but we sure are. I’m not my dogs’ “pet parent” and they’re not my “fur babies.” I personally feel that because it’s such a lucrative market merchandisers have created a dog that doesn’t exist, a dog that likes to be dressed up in clothes and celebrate its birthday. You’re very wise in suggesting that we realize that dogs are dogs and we are not dogs and don’t think like they do.

    P.S. I don’t agree with the comment above. Mia seems to me to be a good dog who needs to belong to an active older couple, experienced dog owners, who are home a lot, understand dogs don’t reason like people do, and like doing things with their dog.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That is a beautiful book and I wish all dog owners could love their dogs like they love them. Kind of a golden rule for having a dog. Many of us have gotten to the point where dogs are family, and maybe that feels right, but we always have to remember that they are not human.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Well stated, Cara. Each of my dogs had an anxiety trigger that I had to learn in order to keep them and another dog safe. I could not always identify what, in the another dog’s demeanor or behavior, was upsetting to my dog, but I had to be fully engaged in any walk I took with them. The overwhelming majority of the walks and introductions were fine, but I learned to discern which owners and dogs needed a wide berth. I am amazed, and not in a good way, at the owners who are not paying a bit of attention to their dog and/or the situation around them because they are texting, talking or absorbed in music.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would echo all of that — too many people are not paying attention to their dog who depends on them for security, especially when you take them out of their home. I just ran into that the other day while walking one of mine and two large, loose dogs surrounded mine – who immediately began lashing out at them (and NO, it wasn’t Mia I was walking). The owner, who was at least 250 feet away kept calling them and they ignored her. They seemed like very nice dogs, but they were not under their owner’s control and my dog was terrified of them. She’s generally pretty dog-friendly and if she’d met them in other circumstances (like on a leash with their owner on the other end or at the dog park) she likely would have been fine. My friend walking with me was able to distract the dogs so that I could hustle mine away, but we were very lucky she didn’t bite one of them. Who knows how they would have reacted and both were over 100 pounds easily.


  5. Oof, so tough! I didn’t write it in my dogs and toddlers post (I forgot) but at first when I could not personally supervise the dog and toddler I locked him in one of his safe spots. It’s not fair to expect a babysitter/romantic partner/family member to understand what is needed to keep dog and toddler safe. I still find that I am “training” people about how to let the dog and toddler interact (no, it’s actually not funny when he “lets” her pull his paw!!). I have to be careful with this around my parents’ dogs too! You never know when the “tolerating” a screaming toddler is going to turn into a bite. They just need to be separated sometimes because a toddler and a dog can both be a lot to manage on their own!

    Liked by 3 people

  6. We must continue to have these conversations – we need to take our capes off and get to learning the business of rescue. Thank you for writing this. Thank you. Hugs to you and a juicy treat for Mia. When she’s calm. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. When I was much younger, we were at another family’s house and the kids were all picking on their cocker spaniel. Feeling sorry for the dog, I hugged him and he bit my face. It was shocking and I did yell for my mom, but I never once blamed the dog. It was scared, it was surrounded by mean kids, and none of the adults were around supervising. I never once thought he should be put down. It also never deterred me from loving dogs and always helping when I can.

    I sincerely hope that Mia is not put down for this incident and that she can find a more calming environment to call home. I wish we lived closer to give her that home.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Such sad news. So sorry that Mia was set up to fail. I hope she goes back to being successful with your pack. Invariably the majority of dog bites occur because someone didn’t pay attention. If Mia hadn’t gotten out, she might have been fine though I suspect in that household it was just a matter of time before another fail would have happened. Please give her a good ear rub for us.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Poor Mia. Poor adopters. Perhaps a home without children would be a better fit. Children are squeaky, fast moving things that can set the instincts in some dogs off in the right conditions. In sheltie rescue, we deal with dogs that want to herd kids and sometimes this brings out nipping. We only adopt out to families with children if we know the dog has been good with them in the past, or to our repeat adopters that have more experience. Hope Mia is able to find the right fit for her.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dear Cara, My heart hurts for you, Mia and the adopter! I talked to you on a phone call about 2 months ago regarding my chances of adopting Mia as a companion for me and my dog Porter.

    Since I am a 70 year old widower with a MOSTLY calm rescued boy dog, there were many parts of my life that would have been good for Mia. The biggest downside being I am 70 years old!

    If there is any way I can be of assistance with Mia please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I would love to see Mia find a good home and have your loving efforts be rewarded.

    Bill Grove 717.382.4185 Home 410-688-3146 Cell


    Liked by 1 person

  11. Wow! So sad–I know what you are going through because I am going through a similar situation right now. Shelton, my high-energy Redbone hound, found what I thought was a great home about 2 1/2 months ago. All family members are joggers, so he has been getting plenty of exercise every day. Apparently, everything went well for the first 5 weeks. I received lots of pics and several calls and texts. Then about 2 months into his adoption, I received a call from the husband that Shelton had nipped each of them, breaking the skin on the 11-year-old daughter. Each time it was when they went to pet him while he was asleep. In one of the pictures, I noticed he was wearing a prong collar while he was asleep.
    I asked the husband whether he had been wearing that collar 24/7, and he said, “Yes, why?”
    I could not believe that the poor dog had been wearing a prong collar the entire time they had him. I told him that his neck must be terribly painful. That could easily have been the reason he went after them, particularly if they inadvertently touched the area. At first, he asked me about taking him back and re-homing him. I told him, more than likely, I would probably have to have him put down.
    Anyway, they decided to continue working with him and gave me a glowing report yesterday. It isn’t rocket science that a prong collar should only be used when walking the dog if he pulls and to gradually work him off it. As for petting a dog when he is sleeping, the old adage, “Let sleeping dogs lie,” is excellent advice particularly with a dog that you don’t know well. They are now giving him his own sleeping space, a crate, where he can be by himself. I am hoping (and praying) that the situation continues to improve.
    I had him over 2 months, and although he was a very active dog when I first rescued him, he was learning his boundaries and house manners when he went to his new home. He never showed any aggressive tendencies the entire time he was at the shelter or while I had him. He would escalate when playing with other dogs, but that also was under control when he left. I just hope that the prong collar and startling him while he was asleep were the problems. And I hope that Mia finds her perfect “furever” home.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so glad that Shelton had you in his corner and you were able to look at the situation and find the reason for the bite. And what a wonderful family to continue to work with him, sounds like they are taking all the right steps. Paws crossed for a happy ending. Once again, dogs bite to communicate something and we are the ones with the higher functioning brains who need to figure out what they are saying and why.


  12. Cara, my heart hurts for Mia, you, OPH and the adopter. Everyone had good intentions. It’s very brave of you to write this; it’s easy for the internet to jump to judgement.
    Our first dog turned out to be dog-selective/intolerant, and had some fear of strangers, too. We don’t have kids, so it was easier to work with her, but boy was it a learning curve.
    I think nowadays we expect so much of dogs. Although it was lonelier for dogs, it may have been easier for them when they lived outside, and we saw them much more as animals as opposed to companions. The message has become that they are our best friends, they are amazing, and it is easier to forget that they are a completely different species.
    Or maybe because they are a different species, we expect them to be completely adaptable to our wishes. After all, if a family takes in a young adult from a completely different culture and language, they would think twice before leaving the person (essentially a stranger) alone in the house, and refrain from sudden physical interaction that could be perceived as threatening, and give the person some time and encouragement to figure out how the household works and what is expected of them.
    Hope for the best for Mia. She must be happy to be back where she knows the rules.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great example! yes, we have to be much more intentional about our interaction with dogs. we often assume too much. Mia is very happy to be back and doing really well. She had a great training walk yesterday in a busy neighborhood where she encountered nearly ten dogs! This morning she watched the milkman unload our order on the porch without a peep, just with a wagging tail and a lot of interest.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Excellent post..I feel so bad for Mia that this unfortunate incident happened with her adopter.
    I have a rescue that has fear aggression tendencies so have to be tuned into her interactions with people (especially strangers) and other dogs all the time. Unfortunately, we don’t always see the triggers ahead of something that may be prevented. I enjoyed your post and the comments stating that dogs are dogs and sometimes get overwhelmed with what is going on around them or to them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your pup is lucky to have you. Fear aggression is so very common (from what I read fear is almost always the reason for aggression) and dogs who exhibit it need a smart owner who is patient, willing to work through it, and paying attention.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I think your analogy of finding oneself in China is perfect. It reminds me of something a trainer told me about my new horse: as far as he is concerned, he was kidnapped by aliens. He was transported in a small metal box and dumped off in a place where he knows no one. His one horse friend and the human he knew are gone. He doesn’t speak the language, the water smells funny and it’s not his stall or his bucket. Why, she asked when I lamented that he seemed so worried, would I expect him to settle in, eat hay and be “normal”? We have had our lab for 12 years. She came to us a stray. She has been fearful of strangers her entire life, and has bitten (not seriously) 2 people. In both cases it was due to our failure to control the situation. Once Belle has calmed down and the person is seated, she can be trusted off-lead and will greet them happily and will usually fall asleep on their feet. It is our responsibility to set our animals up for success. I wish the best for Mia.

    Liked by 2 people

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